So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
