that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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