I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
