Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
