I looked at my own cervix.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
