my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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