Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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