I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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