We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
