so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
