I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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