Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
