All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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