I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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