at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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