I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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