Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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