My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
