we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
