Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
