Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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