I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
