Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
