Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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