whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
