she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
