hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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