I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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