Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
