Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
