or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
