I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
