Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
