Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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