she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
