Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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