ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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