Screwed.edu
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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