i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
