i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
