i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
