tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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