singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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