And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
