i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
