I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
