:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
