You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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