she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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