who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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