so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
