Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You are the jesus of drinking
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
