I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
