new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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