"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
