census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
