Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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