cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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