why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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