omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
