a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
