somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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